March 9th, 2009

I’ve been on the trail of Sam Sixkiller for several weeks now. Sixkiller was the first captain of the United States Indian Police who was shot and killed in 1880. I wanted more information about him than simply the facts of the various arrests he made and the night he died. Finally, I got a lead on a great, great, great, great, great granddaughter living in Idaho. I gave her a call and was able to learn a bit more about the man. The research part of writing a story is always the most interesting to me. I enjoy tracking down a lead and coming up with a tidbit few have heard about. That’s why I like working on Thunder Over the Prairie. All of the press packets and invitation have gone out for the launch of that book. I’m looking forward to the event at the Dodge City Public Library and the Long Branch Saloon in Dodge City. Just bellying up to the same bar where Bat Masterson and Bill Tilghman took a seat will be a treat. The message of forgiveness was the central theme yesterday in church and continued to be so throughout the day. My strongest desire is to be transformed into a person that can do what God asked with regards to forgiveness. I’m afraid that I’m such a despicable creature I’ll never be able to let go. I know that murder is born from anger and adultery from desire. I know that in the same way, the hatred of an enemy is destroyed by the love of friendship. Suppose you have viewed someone as an enemy, yet after a while they’ve been swayed by your benevolence. You will then love them as a friend. I think that Christ ordered these things not so much for our enemies as for us: not because enemies are fit to be loved by others but because we are not fit to hate anyone. I know hatred is the prodigy of dark places. Wherever it resides, it sullies the beauty of sound sense. Therefore not only does Christ order us to love our enemies for the sake of cherishing them, but also for the sake of driving away from ourselves what is bad for us. I watched an interview with a rape victim last night who accused an innocent man of the horrible act. He professed that he wasn’t involved, but no one would listen. He spent years in prison and was finally released after DNA evidence proved another man was the actual culprit. The victim met with the innocent man to apologize for what she’d done and he forgave her. She said that at that moment she could feel her broken heart actually start to heal. I want the experience of my broken heart actually healing more than I want anything. Of course in my desperate mind runs the thought that if I forgive maybe the bad will get better. Maybe things will work out as I dreamed. The Holy Spirit instantly reminds me that any forgiveness would be conditional then and not simply an act to “love my enemy”. Forgiving and expecting nothing is the key. To return evil for good is devilish. To return good for good is human. To return good for evil is divine. I ache for a healed heart.