April 16th, 2009

Knowing that I have Bible study tonight has helped me keep going today. I’ve been working on the research and writing of the book Front Page: Women Journalist of the Old West and sending out multiple submissions for other books as well, but it hasn’t been work that’s given me inspiration it’s been the fact that later I’ll be praying for someone and they’ll be praying for me. The group of ladies in my Bible study class are some of the best friends I have. They let me cry over my brother, rant about the lies his step-daughter continues to spread, and pontificate about the future. As a writer I spend a lot of time by myself and I find that I can be so desperate for companionship at times that I often believe people are my friends when they’re not. Like my post lady. Every day she comes to my house and gives me exciting letters, stimulating magazines, and shiny presents. You know, fun stuff, and I’m always glad to see her. She’s a nice lady, but she’s not my friend. It takes me a little bit, but I have to realize she’s just delivering the mail because that’s her job, she’s a post lady. And when she smiles or waves at me, that’s because she likes her job. Not because she wants to be my friend. It’s important to know the difference. I still question everything because of what happened to my brother. I don’t trust myself at times. People who claimed to love Rick and me and my family did some horrible things. I would have sworn they really did care. But just like the post lady, they were just doing their job. It’s hard to know sometimes who really does love you and who doesn’t. Who is really your friend and who isn’t. I think the very best way to tell if you can be friends with someone is whether or not you can make each other laugh. The group of ladies in my Bible study class make me laugh so hard milk actually comes out of my nose. And I haven’t had any milk in over two years. They’ve been a real blessing to me and I’m grateful. They stay my friends even when my heart is hard and I struggle to forgive. They help me differentiate between real family and those that aren’t.