Deadlines

Typically I start my day at the office dressed like a person going to…an office. I’ve got two deadlines for books to meet today, so I went with a casually look. Kaki pants, golf shirt, golf hat. Seems like years that I’ve been able to play a round of golf, but the clothes make me look like I frequent the links. The event held last evening at the Nevada County Library in Nevada City, CA. was wonderful. The people were engaging and sincerely interested in hearing the history of Elizabeth Custer. My Pastor and his wife were in attendance at the event. I was very impressed by the act of love and support. Not surprised though. Pastor Mike and his wife, Kyle are such giving people and reflect the true love of God. That’s something I’m far from feeling this morning. I’m thirteen days out from heading back to the prison to see my brother. It’s always difficult. His eyesight is going now and all efforts to get the okay from the powers-that-be at the facility to send him in new glasses have been met with indifference. I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. Watching someone you love dissolve this way and being helpless to do anything to make it better is worse than I could describe. The pain cuts deep and bitterness wells up to the point you think you’ll explode. The misery is that this pain doesn’t kill you like a shot to the heart or a head on collision would. You keep going so you can continue watching the misery play out before you. I haven’t slept through the night since Rick was beaten and raped. It plays over and over in my head. And when I see him I see the result of the assault and know nothing short of dying will make me rest easy again. I’ve got to lose myself in the job today. So I better get on with it.