April 16th, 2010

Many of the wagon trains that arrived in Nevada County more than 150 years ago, brought with them women who had become widows on the journey west. Cholera or lack of water claimed the lives of more than a few men. Often times those men left behind families. When the survivors reached the Gold Country they were dazed about having lost a loved one and confused about what to do next. I met a woman like that yesterday. She’s 22 and four months pregnant with her first child. Her fiancé died of cancer on April 6th. She has been sitting by his side at the hospital for weeks. Now that he’s gone she has nothing. No income, no home, no food, nothing. When she and I spoke she was naturally very sad, but eager to do whatever she could to repay whatever help our church could give her. When I left her she had a room for a week at a local hotel and a gift certificate for food. She was grateful and I was humbled by her graciousness. She was still very sad, but making the necessary steps to move ahead. It made me aware of how much my own sadness has overtaken me. I’ve not been able to move ahead like my new friend was bravely doing. I want to be like her. I’ve been drowning in a sadness that cries out for vengeance, but I realized in speaking with this young lady yesterday that I don’t really want vengeance. I want a balance of right and wrong. I’ve spent far too long praying for that balance to come RIGHT NOW. But that’s God’s business. I’m going to move on now as though the roaches who live to hurt, then self-righteously quote Scripture, never were. I’ll write my books about the Old West and my brother, protect my family from harm, and isolate my loved ones from the very existence of people who have souls as black as the night. Balance will come; just like it did in 1887 for Texas posse member, John Hughes. After a harrowing pursuit lasting 11 months Hughes, Sheriff Frank Swafford, and a deputy cornered a gang of horse thieves in Northwest Texas. Four of the outlaws were killed and two were taken into custody before Hughes finally recovered his stolen horses. Hughes went on to a long and distinguished career with the Texas Rangers. Balance will come.