Dear Mail-Order Bride

Another day working on the second edition of Hearts West: Mail Order Brides of the Frontier. I sincerely do not know how mail-order brides were able to marry a man they never physically met until an hour before their wedding. They had no idea if the description the man gave of himself was accurate. And vice-versa. I suppose in many respects the system hasn’t changed much from the mid-1860s. Today people agree to marry using nothing more than their home computer. Couples supposedly meet their soul mate on-line. Again, with no idea the description of one another is accurate. Many times I think it’s not. I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble here, but all those succulent Hawaiian Tropic beauties men think they’re trading secrets with are probably fifty-year-old fat guys who make Abe Vigoda look like Ashton Kutcher. The same goes for women too. I think it’s rare that anyone actually handwrites letters (love letters or otherwise) anymore. And if you do get one in the mail you might automatically assume it’s a ransom note. Maybe I’m a little rebellious when it comes to the whole technological blitzkrieg. Okay. I AM rebellious when it comes to the whole technological blitzkrieg. Nothing serious I don’t suppose. I’m not going to stop bathing and live in a dirt-floored Fotomat, but there is such a thing as a dependence on synthetic forms of communication. Whatever happened to the good old-fashion face-to-face insincerity? Part of the problem for me with the computer is that I really don’t know how to use it well. I can do the basic stuff, but nothing fancy. I can’t attach or send a JPEG (whatever that is) or download anything. I have all the technical proficiency of Bullwinkle of the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. Oh, how I miss them. I’m at the complete mercy of the good people at the House of Print and Copy (in Grass Valley on Nevada City Highway – for all your copying and shredding needs). They never take that condescending tone the neighbor kid does when I ask him for help. He talks to me like Alex Trebek talks to contestants when they get the wrong answer on Jeopardy. “Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Chris. The correct answer was ‘the on-off switch.’ Like the mail-order brides of old, I’ll be writing all my correspondence by hand. The drawback with that is no spell check.