May 17th, 2010

I turned 49 yesterday. I received lots of well wishes and cards to mark the birthday and it made me thankful to have so many people in my life that care. I have learned a lot over this lifetime and have decided to make some serious changes based on what I?ve learned. Aging is a constant process that only stops when we do. And since I want to be here only mildly more than I want to die trying to escape, I’ve got to make some changes. I’m not interested in wasting my dwindling energies on the following: Three-day long book signings at locations no one knows anything about where I am relegated to a table outside the building. I’m not interrupting people at a restaurant who are eating a meal to hand them information about my books and tell them about the signings. I don’t want to be one of those people. I’ve got to learn to say no. I’ve never been very good at that. I always feel like I’m letting someone down if I say no. Often times I’m miserable because I can’t say no. I’m going to say no now to helping out with Vacation Bible Study at church, the Harvest Festival, and being on the Benevolence Committee. I want to be free to do more writing and see what I write brought to light. I believe it’s my calling. Forty-nine is not old, but I feel old because I continue to invest in life-sucking people and events I think are going to help me vocationally. I think my ability to make sound judgments with regards to that is broken and I’m going to have it fixed. I’m going to eat more pie, cherry, to be specific. I’m going to listen to the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear, warning me to protect my family from narcissistic individuals who live to destroy everyone I hold dear. Perhaps this is the start of aging gracefully. The difficulty of aging gracefully however is that there are so few examples of it in popular culture. Any book, movies, or TV programs geared toward an older generation stand out like Steve Buchemi in a Beijing police line-up. Aside from the occasional Diagnosis Murder or Golden Girls, advertisers are after the 14 to 30 demographics. Why? Because older people don’t tolerate stupidity as much as young people. So, I’ve got that to look forward to. That attitude would be a welcomed improvement over the way I ordinarily handle business.