November 9th, 2007

I’m in San Jose today doing research on a schoolmarm who started the first school in the area. Her name was Mary Graves and she was the heroine of the Donner Party. Her story is tragic and inspired. It will be a great addition to the book. No matter how hard I try I cannot stay totally focused on the work. Thoughts of my brother’s torture creep in. I see him lying there, his teeth kicked in and his glasses busted. Bruises on his face and head, unable to move, ever. I will miss him always. The constant thoughts of the brutality are like a mistress. Someone who takes everything, but leaves nothing but sadness. I cannot find out anything about my brother’s body. The prison officials continue to be cruel. I was told that if “there was enough of him that a rat could eat I’d be lucky.” I am heartsick for my poor mom and dad. I wonder if the real criminal in all of this knew that we would be condemn to such a life? I’m sure she did. I wonder if the man she married will be safe? I suspect in two years time or less, this poor man’s mother will be suffering as she watches her loved one go to prison and die. Some souls are black as the night. There is no mercy and no way to fight such evil. When Mary Graves’s husband was murdered she felt the same way. It seems odd that most of the characters I’m writing about lately have experienced similar heartbreaking circumstances in their lives. There is comfort in that I suppose.