September 21st, 2009

Inspiration. Webster defines it as a “high level of feeling or activity.” Wikipedia defines inspiration as the “arousal of the mind to special activity or creativity.” However it’s defined I don’t feel I have it anymore. I used to have such dreams about writing. Lack of true success in that area has left me uninspired. I can trace the decline of my inspiration to the day they arrested my brother and took him away shackled and handcuffed. When that life altering event took place I realized that many individuals probably never meet their definitive destiny. I used to want to try in spite of that, but I lose a little bit more inspiration everyday. I’m worried about those misalignments in life. What is the greatest military strategist of all time was born a watchmaker in Switzerland, or what if the most brilliant medical mind in history was housed in a man selling shoes in Oklahoma? Well, look at the sun. It gives us our very life and sustenance, but there must be many other suns, which are no different from our own directing their sustaining rays at lifeless rock formations, or at nothing at all. They must feel a little gypped. That’s how I feel to some extend. Kind of like a video game would feel without a T.V. set. I don’t want to be one of those people who approach life with the exuberance of a curb, but I’m rapidly beginning to fall into that. I will continue to write because I love the craft, but I’m not inspired. I just don’t believe anything turns out like you plan. I don’t believe dreams come true. I believe some of us struggle and fight for a place in line and are told the “window is closed” just when you get to the counter with your dream. I believe you can work hard all your life an never realize a damn thing. Still, I can’t give up. I just wish I knew a way to ignite that small, flickering light of hope back into an inferno of inspiration. I’m open to suggestions.