Sleep & The Duke

I have been struggling with insomnia since I was 9 years old. It had become manageable until 7 years ago. I thought I had it taken care of, but these past two weeks lead me to believe that was just wishful thinking. It wasn’t until my brother was beaten and raped that I started having these fits of no sleep. I close me eyes and the hurt inflicted on my brother is all I see. I hear him call for help, but I can’t do anything. The dream repeats itself over and over again until finally I wake up and decide to stay awake. I’m exhausted and not thinking clearly. The only thing that keeps me going on at times is the next story, the next book. I love doing research and digging deep into a subject spurs me on. I’m ready for the Dodge City trip and excited about the number of people that will be there. I received a letter yesterday from a gentlemen in Colorado who “loves” the book Howard and I wrote about John Wayne. He was very complementary of how the story of told and was happy to learn that John Wayne was such a wonderful man. It was good to get a letter like that. Letters of praise are far in few in between. It seems only the hate mongers with pens that have been dipped in venom write. The letter from Colorado was a blessing. I’ve been close to giving up on everything and that letter helped lift my spirits. God knows the hurt that continues on. The hard feelings I have for the four that caused such anguish that are still walking around without a care in the world. I wish I were the Duke. He could sleep through any hurt. I can’t and I worry that I ever will again.