After spending six days with some of the most amazing western writers at the Western Writers of America convention in Lubbock, Texas and then two days participating in a documentary about the American West in 3-D, I’m finally home and eager to get back to work. I arrived on the other side of my journey minus my luggage. I’ve been told I’ll receive my bags in a couple of days. We’ll see.
Flying in this country has turned into an amazingly arduous process, especially boarding the plane, which has now become this tedious Bataan death march with American Tourister overnight bags. I always get stuck behind the one guy who takes forever to get situated. He clogs the aisle like a piece of human cholesterol jammed in the passenger artery. I just want to grab that soft drink cart and flush him out the back door. He folds his sport jacket like he’s in the color guard at Arlington National Cemetery.
If I’m not behind a human piece of cholesterol I am stuck behind a wizard who wants to beat the system by gaffer-taping a twine handle onto a refrigerator freezer box and calling it “carry on.” Wedging it into the overhead with hydraulic jacks.
You know what I hate is when you’re sitting in coach class and they pull that curtain on first class. Oh, I see, they paid an extra fifty dollars and I’m a leper. I always get the feeling that if the plane’s about to wreck, the front compartment breaks off into a little Goldfinger mini-plane. They’re on their way to Rio and I’m a charcoal briquet on the ground.
A lot of qualifications to set next to that exit door, huh? When did that happen? I’ve been a physical klutz for years. I’m like Clouseau. Nobody’s ever said a word. All of a sudden they want me to be a Navy SEAL. I guess they want to be sure the person sitting there doesn’t panic in the event that the plane goes down in water. Item number 8 on the qualification list was “You must not be Ted Kennedy.”
The new book More Tales Behind the Tombstone will be released in a week. I’ll be focusing on that title and the big giveaway next week.
