Two Gun Lady

Guns are part of this country’s DNA, they’re inextricably woven into the fiber of our psyche. The gunplay in most every western I’ve ever seen is something to behold. From Shane to the Quick and the Dead, everyone in the movies know how to handle a weapon. And they sound good doing it too. Some of my favorite dialogue about gunplay are from Two Gun Lady and the Outlaw Josey Wales. In Two Gun Lady, made in 1956, a bar owner pulls a sawed-off double barrel shotgun from behind the bar and covers the gunfighter threatening to kill him. The gunfighter says, “You’re hands are shakin’.” The bartender replies, “The shot spreads better. The gunfighter responds, “You weren’t this brave before.” The bartender retorts, “I’m not that brave now. That’s what makes me so dangerous.” And then there’s the great lines from the Outlaw Josey Wales. Wales asks a group of Rebel soldiers in the flick, “You gonna pull those pistols, or whistle Dixie?” My personal experience with guns is varied. I thought I had died and gone to heaven last year when I had a chance to hold Bill Tilghman’s and Bat Masterson’s guns. I went target shooting my brothers and Dad several years ago and enjoyed that time immensely. It was the last time we were all together actually. My first encounter with a gun didn’t have the same feel as the movies portray. My brothers were there, but there was nothing entertaining about it. My bio-father had showed up out of the blue and threatened to shoot my mother. He held the barrel of the gun against her forehead and begged her to give him a reason to pull the trigger. I was panicked. He eventually lowered the gun, laid it on the dryer, and pretended to have a fainting spell. Outside of a good western or an afternoon of target practice with my brothers, I don’t have much use for guns. It seems to me that the police have powerful weapons and the criminals have powerful weapons and the rest of us are left with eight dead bolts, a nine-hundred-dollar-a-month cable bill, and we’ve been reduced to asking the pizza boy as he slips the deep-dish, meat lovers pie under the door, “Hey, have the leaves turned out there yet?” I’ve been thinking about this a lot since being asked to speak at the Single Action Shooting Society Convention in Las Vegas in December. The organization promotes gun safety and gives incredible demonstrations of Old West shooting styles. They teach you that a gun is good or bad as the person using it. What happens with SASS shouldn’t be confused with the heinous acts of the average thug or a crazed sperm donor frightening a mother and her children. I’m honored to have been asked to be a part of the convention and am looking forward to the event, but the invitation has triggered certain memories. Wonder whatever became of the man who threatened my mother’s life? I know what would have happened to him if this were a western. If this were the movie The Maverick Queen, Barbara Stanwyck’s character would have leveled her weapon at him and announced, “The only way you leave here is feet first.” I’ll be at the SASS Convention on Friday, December 10 from 3 pm to 6pm at the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas.